Middle of the night, I can't really sleep. Mood swings. I don't know why. I felt so down all of the sudden. I was very busy. I love being busy someway somehow so that I don't have to miss someone so badly. It's all because of the distance. I do not want to bother much, I don't want to be the control freak or psychotic bitch who calls every single minute. I love freedom, having own time and space. So, I will do the same to the other half. Should I announce or not? I am hesitating. It's risk but yet it seems so right. Maybe is not the right time yet. Not now. Although I am busy, but I am happy. I miss all my babi[s]. I miss the time we always hang out together, talking crap, fooling ourselves or fooling other people. But, I gotta move on. We spend time lesser, but, S was right. Seem like I only have the babi[s] gang of friends. My old school mates are like MIA. The truth is, I was the one who being cold. I always have thought that I am a very warm, out going person. Then, S's parents said that I look like a very cold and care about nothing kind of person. Then, Carrie said I am a very cold person and people who doesn't know me, they do not dare to come near me. Cause I have a pair of cold eyes. WTH? Do I? I laugh about it, but now, I have to admit. Yea, I'm cold. I cares about nothing unless is about me and about someone I care. I never want to hurt someone, I never want to be hurt. So, I stay for a distance. I'm glad to have close friends though. I love you guys!! I'm glad/bless/thankful to have someone knows me like he puts a CCTV inside me. He always knew what I'm thinking and my expression. One single movement, he knows exactly what I'm thinking. How awesome?! It's really hard to have someone like this and I'm glad I found one. I was trying to write and makes myself sleepy. BUT!! I don't really felt sleepy and I'm so energetic instead! Something is really bothering me. I don't want to think about it but yet, now, I keep on thinking about it. Is it because of the sleepless night? I think. I'm scare to face it, but I know I have to face it. I am scare that after those person knows the fact, they will have big reaction. That is the last thing I want to see. 

Talk about other things. After the graduation. I want to work. I want to fly here and there. Stay in another country for a little while. Work in a big firm. Have a wonderful working life/love life. Then built a wonderful yet romantic family. I always think about future and always think too far. Do you think is way too far? I don't think so. Because in a blink of your eyes, things change and time flies. I just want my life to be in the right track. I don't want a wild life. Peace, calm, steady, safe, healthy, happy, love... are all the requirement of my future. I want a surprising proposal, lovely wedding, peaceful family, healthy life, steady job, remarkable income, extraordinary financial... LOL... I can't stop dreaming. You can't stop me dream about the things I wanted to dream. I want a peaceful life but not really normal kind of life. Well, lets continue dreaming. It's just a dream. Whatever.