You are coming home!

I know how much I've miss u. I know how much I wish that you can come home immediately. But I just hope that you are happy. If this is what you want I will be supportive. Your word ease my mood. I don't know exactly what is the reason for not doing this but definitely hope is not because of me. I love you John. I really don't want us to separate in different countries again. But I guess we are going to separate again if I happen to get into FIT in New York.

I hope I can have a baby like you. The smart little ass makes me want to squeeze you into my body so that I can protect you forever. Sweet little pumpkin, I love you so much. But I want my baby to look like the boy I fell in love with. His arrogant attitude, naughty behavior, adventurous energy, hyperactive crazy little kid. I fell I love deeper and deeper after I get to know him more and more. At first we were sweet. Then I start to act a little bit out of my mind. Now, I seems to figure out the way we be together. One and a half year. Time flies, everything move so fast. After the incident, we grow stronger. Yes we fought. We look for solution instead of give up. Now I fell even more towards him. I don't know how far we can go, but as long as we are together we will stay in love.

Sleepless

I don't know why.. Just can't sleep. I think my body is getting tired of myself. Like I'm literally torturing myself to work hard without rest for a period and then letting myself relax. F this shit! This Friday we are going to the detox camp and I'm going to fix this.

Checked my account just now and saw the status there saying in May I'm in the 12%. John was surprise that I went up so fast. Actually... I am feeling guilty. It's all because of mom's help. She buy things using my account. I wanted to look for more people to join, but I'm looking for so many excuses to stop myself. Yes, I'm talking about Amway. Sigh. I guess I'm going to try harder this time.

Anyways, John is leaving to other city for couple of days. I'm going to stay home and do my own things. Still there are few things waiting for me to handle. Things went really well this week and I'm slowing down compare to before. I know I know. It's not good. But sometimes people just being lazy.

Went out with Melissa this afternoon. Its funny that we actually hang out because she is John's neighbor. But never mind, no harm to have more friends. We basically talked about everything today. I feel bad for her. I feel bad for myself. At first I judge people when I don't know her well enough. Assuming she the kind of girl who like showing off and being high profile. Then, I get to know her. She's just different than how she looks like. Her personality is fine, is just her look give people the feel. I am so sorry. But I won't tell her straight in her face cause I malu.. LOL. But I changed my perception on her since then. She's a pretty lady and everyone jealous about her. That's how I conclude everything. Well, maybe nobody's perfect. If you have a pretty life, then maybe it will be tough on you.

Tomorrow will have another presentation. Well, I don't feel like revealing our progress and our work in front of the other team. It's just not okay. We are competitors, are we crazy enough to share our information with them? I don't know, maybe the lecturer should think about it. Maybe we should mention about this.

Blogsy

Just discover this apps. Is trying to expose and figure out what is this.

Lucky

We almost lost each other. These few days I've been living under fear. Thought that I'm gonna lose you again. I can't sleep well I have to check my phone and Facebook to see if the message gone yet. I did it when I suddenly wake up in the middle of the sleep. I'm scare that I'm going to lose you. Luckily we didn't make it happen. I'm going to stop scaring myself. I don't dare to think of that. Thank you for not giving up on us baby.

Congrats that you've got into a branded university in Taiwan. Means another two to three years you going to spend there. You are still considering/hesitating but baby this is your life. Other people can't make the decision for you. We can only advise and that's it. I'm so proud of you baby. Even though we might be apart for another two to three years but we can make it through right? I'm leaving to New York, you might stay back in Taiwan. Man!! This is really hard. The time zone. Seriously, it's getting harder. I feel scare now. You know I always think. I can think too much and worried myself of what I scare will happen. You knew what I am afraid of. Cause just now you already said it out. Yes baby, you knew me well. I have to admit this. I'm afraid. After knowing new people, getting to a new place/ environment you might change. But baby, I love you. This is a rare opportunity which you hardly can get. I can't see you just let go of it because of me. Any reason but don't because of me ok? I felt guilty to make you let go of the good opportunity. We will do our best to work things out, if us really doesn't work out then just let it be. At least we know we tried.

When I think of we might have to end it I really want to die. Haha. Seriously. I don't know why I can still laugh here but seriously in my heart I'm dying. I've talked to Carrie, I thought you are the one but we are in bad timing. I don't want to let go,I can't do it. I love you so much and I want us to work it out. It's not easy that we can actually make till this stage. One and a half year. Really. I am surprise. I am appreciate. I know how hard how difficult in person I am. You are not easy, I'm really respect and appreciate you. Not everyone can take it. But you choose not to give up. I'm sorry to make you feel that bad baby. I promise this will never happen again. Now I really know how much I love you. I want you to be happy and do your own stuff. I want you to do things that you feel happy not force by others. I want you to know that no matter what, I will always be supportive. You prove me that long distance relationship is not wrong. You prove me that even we are apart but still you can be trust. You prove me that no matter how difficult those issues we are facing, as long as not giving up we can make it through together. You prove me that love does exist. Yes, nobody is perfect. We have our own bad habits and you can take mine why I can accept yours? So what if you put your friends before me? As long as they are good for you that doesn't matter. Sooner or later you will be going home, the place where I will be at. I will be there and welcome you. I've always been so negative about us. You asked why am I so happy today, you thought is just because of you get into the university? Actually is more than that. Suddenly I thought we could be much more happier if I don't expect too much and ask too much from you. Haha. Seriously. All I want is you can do the things you like and it's right for you. I remember why we are together, I want you to be happy when you are with me. Not moody and locked up. As long as the things you are going to do are right and legal, I will support you. I don't know why suddenly I change my perception so fast. But I change because of you. You open my mind/eyes.

I love you so much baby. Congrats to your success. I hope you can have a satisfied answer soon. If you can see the way I see you, you know I fell in love with you all over again.

亲爱的，恭喜你被录取进名校了！虽然不是第一自愿，可是还是名校啊！

说不在乎是骗人的啦。毕竟又要离别两年。我当然很不舍。可是，我更加不舍你放弃这个难得的机会。再考虑考虑吧

Hate

This word brought me fear. Spoken from a person's mouth. It was real, it was there, it was hurtful. It was a nightmare I want to get rid of. I cried. I am scared. I want to run away. I want to lean on your shoulder. I want to listen to your voice, saying everything is ok. I want you to hug me so tight, touching my nose, saying I'm silly. I want my fever to go away. 

Falling Sick Again

This semester is like a disaster for me. I kept falling sick. Every freaking month. Is like having period. I have to be sick every month?! I need to get well ASAP cause tomorrow I got a presentation, Saturday need to go to the talk, Sunday need to attend the launching party invited by Oh & Ah. 

Still I'm writing the report, research/work/write almost everyday. I believe work hard/work smart will leads to the good result. At least I convinced myself for not giving up.

Recently, we are busy. Very busy. Can you believe when we Skype, even though we are Skyping, but we are doing our own things. Sometimes is not we don't want to talk. We are just too tired in the day time and finally night time we can rest we just want to sit there and relax. Playing games, watching movies, doing other stuff that can release our stress... It's just so hard. I feel bad. Now, we start getting less and less patient to each other. Or maybe is just me. I get annoyed easily, I want to flip the table every time I get annoyed. If you ask me the reason, seriously I don't know either. I don't know why I'm so angry. For no reason. Maybe angry about him. I always get mad when he did something. When he go out, he will disappear. We fought about this for so many times. Until now, we are still fighting. But I think I want to stop fighting about this already. Both of us have our reason. Both of us doesn't understand each other. No matter how many times I explain why I need him to do it, he will make it as I want him to text me every second. For the last time I explain here. NO BABY. I DO NOT MEAN I WANT YOU TO TALK TO ME EVERY SECOND WHEN YOU ARE VISITING SOMEWHERE/WITH YOUR FRIENDS. I JUST WANT YOU TO TELL ME WHERE ARE U GOING AND WHAT TIME ARE YOU GOING HOME. BEFORE GO OUT/WAKE UP AND GET HOME/GO TO BED. That hard to understand? Always, I will cry when we fight for this. Surprisingly, I didn't even shed a tear this time. Fed up? Is not always his fault, is mine also.  I wonder If I stop texting, will he worry? Why I want my relationship like this? It's so torturing. I just want to talk. No judgement, just talk. Point out the problem, solve it together instead of complaining each other instead of remain silence. Is like we don't communicate anymore. 

Still this song reminds me of you.

I figured what it is all about

It's you that I could never live without

You're everything

The air that I breathe

失眠夜

凌晨4点，被窗外的风风雨雨吵醒。想继续睡却被突如其来的烟味呛的难受死了！最近忙着把毕业作品完成。进度很好很快很有水准。身为组长的我是有一点骄傲。因为团员们都很棒！把作品的进度推前，比别组快很多！
其实，这几天都失眠。在想什么？嘴里说不知道。可心里清楚得很。对自己的未来有一点动摇了。对自己的感情事也有了不同的看法。一直以为经过上次的教训后学会了，就可以避免再次发生。可是啊！唉！真的很难过。人没有完美的。一直提醒自己，如果爱他要珍惜。就算他有一堆缺点也好要懂得退让、包容。只是有些事越过界了就真的很糟糕。很怕有天会忍不住爆发。有一点我真的很不了解。他不能容忍他的另一半说他的家人，为什么他不想想她也不能呢？不公平的事到处都有。为什么就不能退让？那是长辈，最起码的礼数要有。她很抱歉很难过很心疼他受委屈了。她真的很难受，因为她的其中一位家人他为她抱不平去数落了那位长辈，可是她却气他。的确，她也很气那位长辈。可是她也不能忍受别人去数落那位长辈。那位长辈是她最亲的亲人，何不从另一个角度去想？去忍让？让她活得开心一些。一直都是为了这件事吵架分手。真的不想到现在还会这样！自认为现在这段恋情是很值得去守候的。怕是怕自己没本事，搞得别人鸡飞狗跳断了好姻缘。
写着写着，肚子饿了！早上4：40了。还是不睡了。写报告吧！渐渐爱上现在的自己。比较有动力、productive了。不喜欢的是，身体的生理时钟被弄乱了！
希望她的他看了这篇她的心里话可以看开一些。假装看不见就好。再忍一忍！很快就能自己做决定了！好吗？她爱他很多很多！