Wednesday, July 31, 2013

你敗給的東西、永遠都只是感覺

感情注定屬於兩個人,兩個人的故事,兩個人的世界,兩個人的開始,兩個人的結束。有時候,一段感情還沒有開始就注定這結束,這一切,都只是因為你輸給的是感覺。藉口太多,相找也找不全,每個藉口都充斥著自己所不敢表現出來的軟弱,沒有什麼是真正的藉口。

如果真的愛了,誰還會在乎那麼多的東西。如果連愛都要都要限制於這麼多條件的話,那麼還有什麼可以變成簡單的東西。感情來得如此簡單,也如此的複雜。簡單的在於一種感覺,別人所不能理解的感情。複雜的在於感覺很難找到。在對的時間遇見對的人,其實就是如此的單調。遇見了,就不要錯過,錯過了,可能再也找不回來了,但是誰又何嚐的想去錯過,只是因為不得不錯過,不是不想上車,只是因為可能買不到屬於自己的那張車票。有人會離開,自然有人會等待。

不要怪自己還不夠出色,不夠優秀,也不要怪他/她太狠心,太不會看人。年齡太大,年齡太小,關係太近,不是太熟,這些一切的一切都只是太過於表面的藉口,藉口太過於脆弱,藉口只能給自己一個小小的光圈來保護自己,真正到了夜晚,到了一個人的時候,光圈逝去的如此的快。只有這個時候你才會明白你輸給的,只是感覺。感覺就好比地基一樣,堅強的地基打下了基礎,外在的光鮮會讓這些錦上添花;沒有基礎,即使再華麗的外表也會隨時崩塌。

有時候,輸的很是無奈,你沒有輸在起跑線,也沒有輸在路程中,輸就輸在你缺少了可以到達終點的東西。但是,這些東西看起來無足輕重,但事實上,這些才是至關重要的。不是不合適,不是距離遠,不是任何原因,你輸的,永遠都是一種叫感覺的東西。

Sunday, July 28, 2013

难受。

目前,感情的事是让我最困扰的事。再怎么伟大的爱情,一旦亲人加入什么都变调了。一直以来妈妈都反对我们的爱。我以为,只要我们有耐心坚持下去就可以一片光明了。可是,慢慢的持久力有点不行了。慢慢的彼此没有什么信心了。因为看不到未来,因为看得太远,觉得两个人在一起好像变得不可能了。这个是在不对的时间 遇上对的人吗?因为彼此太过了解知道走下去很辛苦。另一半受到的委屈自己最清楚不过。

不是要忤逆妈妈,只是不想因为这样再跟妈妈吵架让她有更多的借口理由来反对我们而已。我只能靠一些小事情让妈妈知道我对这段感情很认真。从一些小举动为他说话。可是,看到的人只有我自己。还被说做的不够。想放弃,可是很可惜。想跟朋友说,可是却不想影响任何人。情绪很压抑,还要处处被为难。如果可以说放就放我真的会毫不犹豫的放开。为这段感情付出了多少只有自己知道。不想你受委屈所以才会提出那个请求。不管怎样,我都不会答应你的提议。

如果等解决不了问题,如果真的要那么心急,如果觉得我真的做得不够,如果我们不能好好的支持彼此 我们只能回到原点。不是不珍惜。是因为看到现在,不管你多么努力,我妈妈还是不满意,你那张无奈的脸我觉得很难受。明明你什么事都没有做,可是不管怎样还是被嫌弃,我真的很心疼。我知道你对我是多么的疼爱、包容。可是为什么我们不能好好的在一起?

你问我,如果我们真的分开而我再也找不到像你那么爱我的人,我会恨妈妈吗?我不知道。不过我会埋怨我会质问。恨,很难。因为她是妈妈。很多想说的话根本说不清。我只想我们开开心心。在不在一起我还是很爱你。虽然我一直说,现在分开你还可以找到比我更好的,父母都接受你的。我不想浪费你的时间,因为我知道我妈妈。况且你的条件那么优,真的只有我的妈妈才看不上。可能我怕失去所以才会如你所说的,不敢因为你而跟她吵架。不是你不值得。你要知道,你根本就知道我是多么想跟你一起生活,到老。

事情演变成这样都是我的错。我不应该对你那么老实,什么都告诉你。如果可以重新再来,我会隐瞒。如果可以重新再来,可能我会告诉你我们要再迟一点才在一起。不过我相信如果是注定会有结果的再多反对最后还是会有结果的。

缘分是很玄的东西,就算得到众人支持、看好、祝福;时间到了、不爱了、没有缘分了,还是会分开的。能不能开花结果,要看一个人有没有足够的智慧去解决这样的难题。按兵不动是目前最好的解决方法。因为事情可能会有转机,时间能证明一切。如果非要现在摊牌,再登对再天造地设都不会有后路可行。

要用智慧来面对,要沉得住气才能成大器。

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

First Class

9am class, I went out at 9am. How awesome I was? LOL. I was up early but then I was really enjoying my time. The class was killing me because I think I haven't recover from my jetlack. I was still in my working mood and my body is still trying to fix the mental clock. LOL. Had lunch with Lara and then went back to have the afternoon class. Then back to the city to meet up with the girls and Umar for dinner. It's good to be back but I was picky on coffee now. LOL. 


I went to bed really early today. My time 1030pm. I had really bad dreams and woke up. It's almost 3 am now, and damn!!! Got to get up and meet the girls at 930am. Anyways, I have 'ah gong' sleeping beside me. I feel better now because just now I was too tired and don't want to go out to my living room to take it in. After the nightmare, yes, I really do need it when I'm going to bed. I felt insecure for a second and feel like there are something inside. Disgusted and don't ever want to think about it. 

Going back to bed now. Good morning and good night!

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

What I've Been Doing For 3 Weeks

This semester break was suppose to be my coffee training. I had 3 weeks break and I spent my 1st week on doing mom's stuff, going to grandma's and meet up with friends and John's family. In the mean time, I was suppose to do medical check up and dental check up. Also, I was waiting for the interview from the boss at LewisGene the coffee place I was suppose to work. The boss was at Taiwan for the food exhibition and so, the interview has been delay and delay. And finally I got the job on 5 July. These 2 weeks, I've been very busy and productive. I love this job very much even though sometimes I felt stress when Mr. Wong pushing me to make myself doing better. The working hour was really long and I didn't get to talk to John for days. I missed him a lot. But luckily it's just for 2 weeks. 





So, Friday was suppose to be my las day working in LewisGene but then I went there on Sat and Sun as I really love the place and I love to work at the coffee station. Pouring milk, foaming milk, doing art, tamping coffee powder and all these stuff really makes me happy. I really enjoy what I was doing, even though I will get scold sometimes because of my carelessness but still I love that environment. 


My boss, the owner of LewisGene is a very nice person. Why say so? Because I've talked to him saying that I don't want to get any salary from him because I just go there and learn and some more I did not really help out a lot. Yesterday, he made Mr Wong called and drag me to the coffee shop. He gave me a red packet and with big amount of cash in it. Seriously, me and him were running in the kitchen because I don't want to take it but then, I took it eventually because everyone keep on saying that was a 'blessing'. Also, Mr Wong was very fierce when he look at me and told me to keep the red packet. They made me felt so love, everyone in the shop are super nice to me. I mean, I'm so lucky because they are all my '贵人'. 

So, this semester break was the most productive moment ever in my life. I learned stuff and gain experience. Thanks to Mr Wong the person who helped a lot and still got me complain a lot cause I simply like to make him feel bad. He's like my big brother cause he is very strict to me. This makes John a bit uncomfortable, cause he felt insecure. I just wanted to say, he is not going to ruin our relationship. I do want to introduce both of you to get to know each other because he is a very nice person, and we can learn from each other. Nothing shady between us and no I do not like him that way. LOL. 

Besides learning the skills, I got myself some 'souvenir'. I burnt my hand a few times left a few scars on it. Well, every time I burnt my hand I learned new skill. The first time I burnt my hand I get to know the skill of foaming milk. The second time I burnt my hand I get to know the skill of making hot chocolate thick. The third time I burnt my hand I know the skill of drawing latte art. Damn, I don't know how many more times I have to burn myself this time.
 

Ok. I'm done writing. I'm so tired now. Tomorrow 9am class til 4pm. Bless me. LOL.

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Weirdest Experience of All

So, I went to interview and everything went so well. I start working the next day, means today. After the interview I went to pay Johnny's school fee and then met up with SY. Hang out at the office for awhile then we go back home to park my car and picked up John's mom. Went to Mid Valley for a little while and shopped. Me and John's mom have a couple bag now. LOL. SY bought something cause she wanted to renew her MidValley membership card. These all are very normal when my post title said weirdest experience of all.

Well, back to home. John's mom was mentioning about the Coffee Enema. Ok, this is information overload, but this is for detox. Coffee Enema, another way to cleans your colon especially good for people who has constipation. The first time experience is weird, because John's mom and SY is in the room. Then, I never had anything poke into my anal before. I will definitely willing and volunteer to make John try this. LOL. He will get this joke. 

Anyway, the enema looks like this.

After doing this, all the things came out from me is like toxic and black and dark and disgusting. Still, I'm happy with the outcome. Just did the research and found out that,  

1. The bucket is too high. If you have the enema bucket sitting or hanging too high, the liquid will flow into your bottom too quickly and chances are you won’t be able to hold it. It will go in, but then it may come spurting back out and back a big ol’ mess of your bathroom floor. And perhaps walls.

2. The bucket is too low. You don’t want to sit the bucket too high, but you also don’t want it too low otherwise the liquid won’t run through the tube at all. It needs to be higher than you so that gravity can do its thing.

3. The coffee/water is too cold. I can assure you that on a cold winter’s morning, it is not fun putting a bucket of cold coffee up your ass. If you’re like me and have the coffee made up from the night before, you may want to add boiling water to the mix so that the liquid is body temperature.
4. The coffee/water is too hot. Yup, I’ve done this one as well and it is even less fun than freezing your colon off. Especially because there’s not much you can do when the boiling coffee is already making your way into your bottom. I can’t express how important it is to test the temp of the fluid before sticking the tube up your bum. Make like Goldilocks and have your bucket just right.
5. The tube is not in far enough. This is another way you can create a coffee flood. You want to insert the tube at least a finger’s length.
6. The bathroom door isn’t locked. I don’t even like doing number twos when my boyfriend is in the house, so you can imagine the vile expletives that came out of my mouth when he accidentally walked in on me doing an enema. Invest in a lock, or put a “coffee break in process” sign on the door.
7. You aren’t relaxed enough. If you’re all tensed up, the coffee is going to have trouble flowing in and you won’t be able to hold the liquid. Use your breath to relax your body. Once the liquid is all in, I like to kick back with a book or watch something on my laptop.
8. The tube isn’t secure on the bucket. If you rinse your bucket and tube out with boiling water (a must if you’re doing castor oil enemas), over time the tube will start to become loose. And if you ignore this and continue to use the bucket, the tube just might detach itself and give you a lovely coffee shower – mid enema. Don’t make the same mistake I did just last week.
So, that's for last night! LOL. 

About the relationship

So, John posted a status and I find it funny. It's about us, how we be with each other. I am very thankful of him being by my side after we been through all the ups and downs. 

The imperfect thing he was saying was about so many things including my weight. YES! He is definitely a 外貌协会的主席. I'm not even joking. But, still we love each other very much. The fun thing to be together is we keep on annoys each other and sometimes just feel like killing each other but then we can't be without each other. He's a pain in the ass but also the apple of my eye. Hmmmm... This sentence it's weird. Anyhow, John is a very passionate young man, I know people likes to compare him with others but he is that special. As long as he is the special one, that matters. We can see the difference in few years time. He is nobody now, cause he is still studying. I know one day he will be somebody and for those who look down on him, they will sure jaw drops and open up their freaking eyes. And all he needs to know is me and his family are very supportive. Since 2010 till now, I see changes in him. More stable and reliable; as for the mature part... Almost there. Almost there. Guys are slower than ladies when it comes to maturity, so I'm still waiting for the good news. LOL. There are still hopes babeh! 

I was laughing at him about the fans stuff. Then the topic went to my biological father side. John was like 'so..... Will you invite him to the wedding?' This question has been around for years. I don't know how to handle the situation. I hope when the time comes, he can handle this for me because I'm scare to face it. 

Hey J,

I know sometimes I'm mean to you. I always drive you nuts. But you mean a lot to me. I'm glad that you did not ditch me away when you face the trouble (my mom) and I'm glad that you always be so patient (even though sometimes not). I don't know what will us be if that night I rejected you after hearing your story, but I'm happy now. And thank you. Love you.

Love,
H



Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Interview..

I was suppose to go to an interview yesterday. But, that doesn't happen at all. Damn these people. Besides sitting in all day, I did nothing. It's so unproductive but whatever. So, the class schedule is out. I'm so happy with it.


It's complicated but I somehow have my planning now. LOL

I'm having 5 days break every week. Damn! Life is so good! Luckily I have my planner, and I will occupied myself. Doing nothing is not a good thing. LOL

Monday, July 1, 2013

Work Out





So...... I already posted this post at another blog which doesn't belongs to mine. LOL. I was saying... Gahhhhh.... Never mind. Cycling and work out really take a lot of energy. I just want to sleep. 

Letter to my younger self.

Dear me from 2005, Hello. 10 years ago, you were still in your senior high school dreaming to be a successful business women just like your ...