Today I woke up really early in the morning to fetch Jeff to the airport. Then we went to do the car service and I fell asleep at the service center. Embarrass! Printed out my HOC research book and I got a freaking summon. Then I rush to the college and pass it up. Met hubby at the hospital cause he went to donate his blood with his brother and mom. Then we went to Sunway Pyramid for late lunch and the work out stuff. I bet he is busying with the stuff now. Setting up and training. Sigh. Even though I just meet him, but I still can't get enough. Never enough. We talk lesser and lesser once he got back. He got no time for me. Just a few hours of meeting up and we didn't talk really much like before. It does makes me feel upset. So, I technically failed my HOC fucking subject and I've given a fucking chance to do it again. I already felt bad enough and then there are still so many things are waiting for me to complete. I'm like single person while I have a bf. Sometimes I wonder why do I even get myself a bf when I got no time to enjoy and spend quality time with him. I felt depress and not happy. So much going on suddenly and I don't know what to do. The whole week of holiday and it's fully occupied. With all these jobs and then a failing exam. I want to spend time with my man! Why so hard? I hope after this week and next week, we will have the time to spend together. I'm gonna break down if it doesn't happen. I'm not happy!

There are a lot of things that's not the same with what you expect. Like I've expect it will be a very nice holiday. But it is not. I've been enduring and trying to understanding. I don't feel happy with it. Is this the life when he finally gets back? It's totally not the same when he's not here. I've been very selfish and wanting him to be all mine all the time. The fact is, he's not belong to only me. Cause he loves his family and friends. He couldn't live without them, but I'm okay to be with or without. This is what I've figure out within these 2 days. Fast huh? I know. Everything is in my mind working and working when I was driving and waiting. Hate the fact but I couldn't deny it, because there's no way I could hide from. Been stupid once and I'm not going to do it twice. Or maybe I should change my attitude towards stuff. Don't take it too seriously? But I am serious towards stuff. It is really bothering.

John, a letter for you.

He

... got back today from Taiwan. I missed him so much and waited for him about an hour. Everything was so great. The moment I saw him, it was so wonderful. I hugged him so tight and I wish the time could just freeze like that. Let me feel his warmth. Then we got home, he was the driver. A dangerous driver. Yup! The way he drove, I'm not feeling it. No good. Then the way to his house was very challenging. I wish I'm still remember what's the way. I was well known as the human GPS. But this time, I am afraid to admit it. haha. Had a good time in the house. Met his brother Ben Ben and I was relieve that the parents is not in the house cause I felt a little bit pressure about it. Left before the parents came back. Well, he was very busy. I've sent about 4 messages and he never had the time to reply one. I thought just an [ok] will do, but I don't get anything. Sigh. I felt left out once he gets back. ='( Silly me. I hope I will be very busy so I won't need to think about it all the time. I just knew when he gets back, he belongs to everyone. I understand and I... had to understand. Good night. I bet he won't notice this post as well. XP

It does effect my feeling. I thought it was supposed to be a great night that both of us couldn't forget. It does actually, but not in a good way. It left scar on it instead of love mark. I am afraid of doing it again cause I am afraid of the consequences. There's so much things I said but seems like you don't understand. I really do wish you can stand in my shoes and think for me. It's not a joke anyway and it is a big deal. Very big deal. Do you know how much effort and courage I've put in? A lot! This is not something I can say 'It's ok, it's not a big deal.' No. It's not. It meant a lot to me. Really a lot. I feel very bad now and I just want to erase the memory. I feel worst from time to time. I know you won't feel good too when you saw this, this is torturing me and you. Seriously, I never thought it would be so serious and I don't know I will make it such a big deal. I am regret. 

Exam Week

I'm going to have my final week which is my exam week. It's so rush and busy. Well, I still have to pass up assignment on my exam week. So not fun! I got no time to study cause I still have to do the assignment. Man!!! This is driving me crazy. Anyways, he is coming back soon. I miss him a lot. Every time, during the exam period, I will definitely go to Starbucks. This will reminds me of him. Is like so weird. 

The boy was the one that looked for me. I still remember the first day he private message me at my Facebook inbox. That time was the most miserable moment cause I just broke up. I chat with him for a little while then I ignored him. During that time, I was chatting with another friend and never want to look at this pity boy. Seriously. Then, it was the exam period. I went to Starbucks to study all the time. I uploaded those pictures at my Facebook wall and he always came by and comment. He was very funny and said a lot of things but that time, I was focusing on my final cause it's my final semester and I don't want to delay my graduation again. So, poor guy being ignored once again. Seriously, writing till here, I really think I'm a very mean person. So, I still remember the date. At 22 December 2010 around 10 something at night, I finally reply his MSN which he had nudge and leave messages for me. That time was the time when grandma come over to Puchong. Then we started with msn chat and my laptop was dead on that time. I was using my iPhone to chat with him, then we used skype on my phone to text each other. Later on, he said why not we talk? Chatting was slow as I am typing with my phone. And so, we talked thru the phone. I was nervous that time, and a little bit curious about  his voice cause we never chat. His voice is so special and kinda catch my attention. That time, he was still having class the next day, but he insist of talking until 4 in the morning. Till then, we start meeting each other online at 9pm. Every night. We didn't text each other at first, until I start texting him by phone. That time was like the weirdest moment ever. Seriously. I felt like a little bit more feelings towards him and I was very naughty cause all the mess was started by me. He was acting and being cool and I am the evil one. I started to confuse him like playing games, then he was confuse and he wanted to get into the game as well. Then I realize I've gone too far cause fooling others feeling is not right. I think maybe I'm shock because I knew that I am play with fire and I've burned myself. I felt in love with this guy already. I wanted to stop everything as I thought things wouldn't work out cause he's not here and I'm not sure if he is interested. Then he surprise me with a story and then things went better and better. I am so lucky that someone like him would fell for me. Seriously. I am a very lucky girl who owns so much from family, friends and from him. Then, few days ago, we were chatting about those primary school stuff and I realize that we were having the same memory/moment in our school but during that time we are still strangers. How weird and wonderful is this? 

Baby, I miss you so much. Really much.

Wake up really early cause I went to bed at 9:30pm and  left someone alone. Poor baby. Now continue drawing with all those garments. DUH!

Short leg which my hubby love the most.

So, my day was full of shit today. Busy for assignments, busy driving up and down. Discussing with the friends and then mom told me the things. Duh! I miss my baby.

Mr J, it's for you!

Was so busy with the homework. Then mom told me a shocking news which made my day like sudden pouring rain in the sunny day. WTF! This makes me worried and I don't want my man to feel insecure. I feel bad for Mr J. Seriously. It did bothers me. Anyways, Mr J is so in love with his new toy -- The BB Gun. WTF?!

Hubby I miss you so much! No notes for you cause I'm so busy now. I use like 5 minutes to write all these things down. Love you so much!!!!!

My Little Thoughts

... little secret to share with Mr. J

Irritating

Secret words

Saturday Morning

I love waking up early. I feel productive. I hate waking up late cause all the time already contributed to my sleep which is so wasted. I slept at 945 last night. I was so tired and I felt sorry for my baby cause I left him all alone. I miss him so much! Woke up at 7 in the morning I guess but I set my alarm at 8 so I lay on my bed until my alarm ring. =) Went to grab my breakfast and news paper. Today is gonna be a great day. I'm drawing my garment and doing my consumer project. So many of it and I have to sacrifice my weekend. I hope next semester I don't have to do it again. It's so crazy.

A short notes for you! Mr.J

I miss you. Where are you?

Hillary 的 思想體檢報告

魅力（Charisma）：	6	待人氣度與手腕whobirdyou.com
理性（Senses）：	9	歸納與推論的邏輯概念whobirdyou.com
感性（Sensibility）：	6	情感與美感的靈敏度whobirdyou.com
深度（Sophistication）：	8	思考的深度與透徹度whobirdyou.com
社交（Socialization）：	5	對於社交活動的接受度whobirdyou.com
熱情（Passion）：	4	自動自發的執行力whobirdyou.com
知識（Intellectual）：	9	學習與知識的駕馭潛能whobirdyou.com
樂觀（Optimism）：	6	積極與進取的思維whobirdyou.com
悲觀（Pessimism）：	7	消極與保守的思維whobirdyou.com
責任（Responsibility）：	6	規劃與受託的潛能whobirdyou.com

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領導能量：	64	你領導才能普普，屬大將型人才。 whobirdyou.com
社交能量：	53	你喜歡社交活動，但對其也不是非常重視。 whobirdyou.com
思考能量：	84	你是連吃飯睡覺腦筋都停不下來。 whobirdyou.com
鬥志能量：	56	不嘗試怎麼知道自己不行，對不對？ whobirdyou.com
藝術能量：	59	你的藝術才能並不差，應繼續進修培養。 whobirdyou.com
科學能量：	85	邏輯觀念穩健，喜歡針對問題做辯論與研討。 whobirdyou.com
創意能量：	78	稀奇古怪的點子總是無止盡地在你腦中湧現。 whobirdyou.com
靈感能量：	79	觀察力敏銳，能夠舉一反三。 whobirdyou.com
戀愛能量：	61	雖不是大情聖，但是也是有自己的一番浪漫情懷。 whobirdyou.com

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優點：

頗有自信，不達到目的不會輕易放棄。

whobirdyou.com

明辨是非、極富正義感，做人處事深思熟慮，性格沉穩易獲得長輩與上司的青睞。

whobirdyou.com

對現況接受度高，不多對人做質疑。

whobirdyou.com

不推卸責任，骨子硬。

whobirdyou.com

求知慾強烈，能將所學運用自如。

whobirdyou.com缺點：

容易受到感情生活而突然變了一個人，傻傻地受感情支配。

whobirdyou.com

安於現狀，對於改變態度較保守

whobirdyou.com

處事不夠圓融，態度過於激進，應學習中庸之道，以免因為過於義憤填膺而冒犯別人。

whobirdyou.com

不知變通、冷漠。

whobirdyou.com

不通情理，不常反省自己。

whobirdyou.com

因為自傲而漠視社會輿論。

whobirdyou.com

會因為能力強而高傲、看不起光說不練之人。

whobirdyou.comSaw this on a website and do it. It's a little bit right about myself. LOL.This is th link I did it.