It does effect my feeling. I thought it was supposed to be a great night that both of us couldn't forget. It does actually, but not in a good way. It left scar on it instead of love mark. I am afraid of doing it again cause I am afraid of the consequences. There's so much things I said but seems like you don't understand. I really do wish you can stand in my shoes and think for me. It's not a joke anyway and it is a big deal. Very big deal. Do you know how much effort and courage I've put in? A lot! This is not something I can say 'It's ok, it's not a big deal.' No. It's not. It meant a lot to me. Really a lot. I feel very bad now and I just want to erase the memory. I feel worst from time to time. I know you won't feel good too when you saw this, this is torturing me and you. Seriously, I never thought it would be so serious and I don't know I will make it such a big deal. I am regret.