Imperfection

Recently, I've been reading a lot of articles online. This is one of my favourite things to do in my life, read. I came across of an article talking about relationships and it truly inspire me. So, the mother problem is always the main issue in my relationship with John. What I see through is, no matter how hard it will be, as long as both of us fight through this together, nothing will beat us. If one of us give up, then this is end. This is what I just found out. Is not about how my mom put pressure on me, and show the face. It's about how we maintain our relationship.

And... we did some communicate session yesterday. It was a little bit intense at first, and we talk about it deciding whether to make it a fight or a communicate session for both of us knowing how to do it better. Turns out, it was a success. I hope we both know how its gonna be and how we will deal with each other every now and then when we face some issue or topic that is sensitive. Being ignorance or avoiding the sensitive topic is not healthy and we are couple, we talk to each other, we have problem we come to each other. Don't tell me you are going to discuss problems and issues with outsider that has nothing to do in our relationship. Because telling them makes you feel better but can't help you achieve whatever you want to achieve. Imagine if I told my best friend about the problem I'm having with John. We are 25 now, an adult. We used to be stupid to post the status on the social media and share it with the whole wide world. But do you know that people are laughing about how stupid you are to show all your problems out there? Other people don't even care and they will be laughing. 

As I grew older, things started to make sense. A same movie I watch when I was 17 and now 25, I got different point of view. Same goes to love. I look at love when I was 17, I thought I was going to marry that guy and I will die without him. At 25, I will not die or even give up anything for a guy. I simply just won't. How do you know he is the one who will be faithful, loyal, honest, caring, protecting and lead you forever? You'll never know. Forever is too far away.

The only thing I know is, I have to cherish this guy

because I don't know what will happen next. All I wanted to have are the best memory I can have with him and laugh about it. He can be nagging like an old man but I can't take my eyes of him. How sick am I? LOL

LOL

[Dairy] Week 3

Today is the last day of week 3 for my 2nd term in school. What I've been doing this week? I attended a seminar organised by Ragtrader Live. It was a very inspiring seminar and I love going to seminar like this, but it's a bit expensive. 

And I've been morning walk. LOL. For 2 days only. Cause me and my work out partner have class in different days so we can only meet our time on Sat, Sun and Mon. I hope these 3 days will be our regular wake up early in the morning for walk session. 

And today is my work out partner's birthday. I had her over night a my place last night cause I felt that she's a bit moody recently. So, I bought a small little cake and a unicorn candle for her to wish her when the clock strikes 12. Lara called using FaceTime cause we have technical problem using Google Hangout. Last night was a small little hangout session for me and Yun Ping. But the way we hangout was both of us using our phone and anti social. LOL.

Morning Walk

 Walking to the Royal Botanic Garden. Was suppose to jog from my place, but the outfit and the stuff I brought stopped me. I have to hold my big ass phone and my key was dangling, some more my jacket was too big and it just annoys me. So, we decided to walk. Power walk. I did sweat, and I took off my jacket half way cause I felt hot.

This is my view, how lucky I am to have this view when I was working out? I mean people in Australia are damn lucky cause they have a very nice environment and big ass garden in the city. I really love this place. 

My work out buddy. We woke up at 6 something and walk all the way to the garden. Not an easy task eh! You have to know waking up this early and the weather is very cold. All you want to do is hide in your bed and keep yourself comfy. Seriously! 

 Look at this picture, the garden and the concrete building. A big difference right? Is like New York Central Park.You can really roll on the grass and sun bathing here. No dog poop will stick on you.

 And this is Mrs Macquarie Point, the spot you can watch sunset and together with Opera House and Harbour Bridge. Fresh air, ocean waves great view!

The picture I took. My friend's idea. Very in love with it.

 Believe it or not, I cook this. No one knows I can cook including my beloved John. I felt bad cause I never cook any meal for him before. Hopefully, this time we can spend some quality time and I can do it for him. 

Lastly, a silly picture collage I made. 

By the way, today my friends were mocking at those who loves to do hashtag on instagram to get likes. LOL. Well, what's the point?! And so, they start spamming my instagram with those ridiculous hashtag. 

Can't wait for tomorrow sunrise date! 

你是另一半的贵人还是拌脚石

有没有想过自己是另一半的贵人还是绊脚石？你的出现有让你的另一半变得更好？进步了？还是更糟糕？这个想法突然出现在我脑海里。刚才和我的另一半在聊天，突然想到以后当他有了自己的事业，身为另一半的自己会帮助到他，还是阻挡他走向成功的路上成为他的绊脚石？如果我的伴侣是我的贵人，帮助我成长互相扶持，这样就如虎添翼。反之，伴侣如果一直不断制造麻烦，话题，要求索求还要你一直帮他／她收拾烂摊子，这样真的会让你的生活更糟糕。因为你的身边少了正能量让你正面发展。

我的另一半改变了我看待事情的态度。我一直是很负面的人，把所有事情都往最坏那方面去想。所以总是把自己搞得很压力，精神紧张。而他每次看似吊儿郎当，可是往往在最紧要的关头冷静地分析事情和安抚我的情绪。他确实帮我成长了不少。他也成长了很多。比以前有耐性，大概是被我这位大小姐训练出来的。他老是抱怨我的脾气很差，翻脸比翻书还快。是啦，可是有时候你也很白目，讲一些气死我的话来气我meh～ 我翻白眼翻到要进医院了好不好！

谢谢你

总是在最难过的时候对我不离不弃。

总是知道要怎样安抚我。

总是耐着性子跟我说话虽然自己也已经气得快要爆炸了。

总是最快气消再讨我欢心。

虽然我每次说你小气，可是我知道你对我永远最大方、最包容。

August

Time passed really fast. Who knew we just celebrated CNY and suddenly it's Hungry Ghost Month already. Last year this moment, I was with John back to his grandma's to pray. I still remember what 'Ah Gong' told us. Recently, we are facing the lowest point of our relationships and I still think we are facing it. The mother issue is getting serious and it tends to annoys everyone from his side already. It is annoying to be honest. Just hope everything will be better soon.

你敗給的東西、永遠都只是感覺

感情注定屬於兩個人，兩個人的故事，兩個人的世界，兩個人的開始，兩個人的結束。有時候，一段感情還沒有開始就注定這結束，這一切，都只是因為你輸給的是感覺。藉口太多，相找也找不全，每個藉口都充斥著自己所不敢表現出來的軟弱，沒有什麼是真正的藉口。

如果真的愛了，誰還會在乎那麼多的東西。如果連愛都要都要限制於這麼多條件的話，那麼還有什麼可以變成簡單的東西。感情來得如此簡單，也如此的複雜。簡單的在於一種感覺，別人所不能理解的感情。複雜的在於感覺很難找到。在對的時間遇見對的人，其實就是如此的單調。遇見了，就不要錯過，錯過了，可能再也找不回來了，但是誰又何嚐的想去錯過，只是因為不得不錯過，不是不想上車，只是因為可能買不到屬於自己的那張車票。有人會離開，自然有人會等待。

不要怪自己還不夠出色，不夠優秀，也不要怪他／她太狠心，太不會看人。年齡太大，年齡太小，關係太近，不是太熟，這些一切的一切都只是太過於表面的藉口，藉口太過於脆弱，藉口只能給自己一個小小的光圈來保護自己，真正到了夜晚，到了一個人的時候，光圈逝去的如此的快。只有這個時候你才會明白你輸給的，只是感覺。感覺就好比地基一樣，堅強的地基打下了基礎，外在的光鮮會讓這些錦上添花；沒有基礎，即使再華麗的外表也會隨時崩塌。

有時候，輸的很是無奈，你沒有輸在起跑線，也沒有輸在路程中，輸就輸在你缺少了可以到達終點的東西。但是，這些東西看起來無足輕重，但事實上，這些才是至關重要的。不是不合適，不是距離遠，不是任何原因，你輸的，永遠都是一種叫感覺的東西。