總有一段，刻骨銘心的愛，最後敗給了距離

真的想不到 我竟然不能相信你了
这样子的关系能维持吗？
为什么说话不能坦荡？
我对你已经没有信任了
是我太过在乎才会难受
我明白了
___________________________________________________________________

1、表達障礙

短信聽不到語氣，電話看不到表情。我說我沒生氣，你相信了。我哭了，你看不見。


2、共同語言

如果兩個人在一起，兩個人的交往圈會融為共同的圈子，話題永遠都在更新。

而不在一起的兩個人，對彼此身邊的環境都會因陌生而逐漸失去興趣，慢慢的，能說的話只有空洞的‘我想你’。

親愛的、我在努力找話題呢，不要回信說‘哦、嗯、好’了好嗎。


3、不安全感

看了10次手機了，你還是沒有回信。你在哪、和誰、在干什麼?

剛剛拒絕了別人的好意，卻禁不住想，你身邊的鶯鶯燕燕，一如我身邊的花花草草嗎?


4、遠水不救近火

我這裡下雨了，來送傘的是同學的弟弟;我吃飯忘帶錢了，來解圍的是朋友的朋友。

原來你不吭聲是因為你生病了，可我再擔憂，也不能在你身邊端一杯水呢。


5、距離產生幻覺

其實我有些小虛榮，照片有時候修掉了痘痘才給你看，其實你有些小自負，認定了的事情就以為自己一定對。

為了大老遠的愛你，我拒絕接受身邊一切說你不好的言論，什麼都往好的方向想。你也是吧。
其實我們都不是對方想像的那樣好。


6、距離產生誤會

我興衝衝地發短信給你講剛剛的趣事，你隔了半天說‘噢’。

我不知道你在忙嘛，所以我生悶氣了。

你給我發了八條短信兩個電話我也沒回，憤怒得嗷嗷直叫。

我在做頭發呢，包包寄存了的嘛，哪知道手機響著響著沒電了。

其實我們都知道對方不是故意的，但情緒來了，總需要宣泄的。 


7、善意的謊言

我碰巧和相熟的男生去看電影了，想了想，對你說和女生去的。

你獨自去了我們約好要一起去的地方，猶豫再三，對我說你哪都沒去。

不願讓對方多想，卻因為偶爾的疏忽，讓對方想得更多。


8、寂寞

一個人不寂寞，想念一個人才寂寞。

你說，來，抱抱。於是我把自己裹在被窩裡，閉上眼，恩，抱抱。

下班的路上，親愛的、你會在身邊留個我的位置麼?


9、信念坍塌

我看到身邊一對一對的，男生幫女生拿包包，在樹蔭下卿卿我我，周末還能一起爬山。

於是沒忍住就對在地圖對角線上的你發牢騷，其實是想聽你的鼓勵。

剛剛好你接到朋友異地戀分手傾訴的電話，那麼容易就把自己帶入了戲，無心的抱怨雪上加霜。

有時候折騰一下，只為了證明自己的重要性。哪知脆弱基礎上的高樓只須多壓上一根頭發的重量，也許就崩潰了。


10、你的真心

人心隔肚皮，更何況我們還隔著千山萬水。

當我完全了解以上所有困難，依然下定決心明知不可為而為之的時候，

卻不知上一刻還信誓旦旦的你，又是什麼時候突然鐵了心非要放棄呢?

也許只是終於親身經歷，你才覺悟了，異地戀真的不是幾個電話和信息可以解決的的問題。

親愛的，你知道麼，我是多麼希望，陪在你身邊的那個人是我。

Imperfection

Recently, I've been reading a lot of articles online. This is one of my favourite things to do in my life, read. I came across of an article talking about relationships and it truly inspire me. So, the mother problem is always the main issue in my relationship with John. What I see through is, no matter how hard it will be, as long as both of us fight through this together, nothing will beat us. If one of us give up, then this is end. This is what I just found out. Is not about how my mom put pressure on me, and show the face. It's about how we maintain our relationship.

And... we did some communicate session yesterday. It was a little bit intense at first, and we talk about it deciding whether to make it a fight or a communicate session for both of us knowing how to do it better. Turns out, it was a success. I hope we both know how its gonna be and how we will deal with each other every now and then when we face some issue or topic that is sensitive. Being ignorance or avoiding the sensitive topic is not healthy and we are couple, we talk to each other, we have problem we come to each other. Don't tell me you are going to discuss problems and issues with outsider that has nothing to do in our relationship. Because telling them makes you feel better but can't help you achieve whatever you want to achieve. Imagine if I told my best friend about the problem I'm having with John. We are 25 now, an adult. We used to be stupid to post the status on the social media and share it with the whole wide world. But do you know that people are laughing about how stupid you are to show all your problems out there? Other people don't even care and they will be laughing. 

As I grew older, things started to make sense. A same movie I watch when I was 17 and now 25, I got different point of view. Same goes to love. I look at love when I was 17, I thought I was going to marry that guy and I will die without him. At 25, I will not die or even give up anything for a guy. I simply just won't. How do you know he is the one who will be faithful, loyal, honest, caring, protecting and lead you forever? You'll never know. Forever is too far away.

The only thing I know is, I have to cherish this guy

because I don't know what will happen next. All I wanted to have are the best memory I can have with him and laugh about it. He can be nagging like an old man but I can't take my eyes of him. How sick am I? LOL

LOL

[Dairy] Week 3

Today is the last day of week 3 for my 2nd term in school. What I've been doing this week? I attended a seminar organised by Ragtrader Live. It was a very inspiring seminar and I love going to seminar like this, but it's a bit expensive. 

And I've been morning walk. LOL. For 2 days only. Cause me and my work out partner have class in different days so we can only meet our time on Sat, Sun and Mon. I hope these 3 days will be our regular wake up early in the morning for walk session. 

And today is my work out partner's birthday. I had her over night a my place last night cause I felt that she's a bit moody recently. So, I bought a small little cake and a unicorn candle for her to wish her when the clock strikes 12. Lara called using FaceTime cause we have technical problem using Google Hangout. Last night was a small little hangout session for me and Yun Ping. But the way we hangout was both of us using our phone and anti social. LOL.

Morning Walk

 Walking to the Royal Botanic Garden. Was suppose to jog from my place, but the outfit and the stuff I brought stopped me. I have to hold my big ass phone and my key was dangling, some more my jacket was too big and it just annoys me. So, we decided to walk. Power walk. I did sweat, and I took off my jacket half way cause I felt hot.

This is my view, how lucky I am to have this view when I was working out? I mean people in Australia are damn lucky cause they have a very nice environment and big ass garden in the city. I really love this place. 

My work out buddy. We woke up at 6 something and walk all the way to the garden. Not an easy task eh! You have to know waking up this early and the weather is very cold. All you want to do is hide in your bed and keep yourself comfy. Seriously! 

 Look at this picture, the garden and the concrete building. A big difference right? Is like New York Central Park.You can really roll on the grass and sun bathing here. No dog poop will stick on you.

 And this is Mrs Macquarie Point, the spot you can watch sunset and together with Opera House and Harbour Bridge. Fresh air, ocean waves great view!

The picture I took. My friend's idea. Very in love with it.

 Believe it or not, I cook this. No one knows I can cook including my beloved John. I felt bad cause I never cook any meal for him before. Hopefully, this time we can spend some quality time and I can do it for him. 

Lastly, a silly picture collage I made. 

By the way, today my friends were mocking at those who loves to do hashtag on instagram to get likes. LOL. Well, what's the point?! And so, they start spamming my instagram with those ridiculous hashtag. 

Can't wait for tomorrow sunrise date! 

你是另一半的贵人还是拌脚石

有没有想过自己是另一半的贵人还是绊脚石？你的出现有让你的另一半变得更好？进步了？还是更糟糕？这个想法突然出现在我脑海里。刚才和我的另一半在聊天，突然想到以后当他有了自己的事业，身为另一半的自己会帮助到他，还是阻挡他走向成功的路上成为他的绊脚石？如果我的伴侣是我的贵人，帮助我成长互相扶持，这样就如虎添翼。反之，伴侣如果一直不断制造麻烦，话题，要求索求还要你一直帮他／她收拾烂摊子，这样真的会让你的生活更糟糕。因为你的身边少了正能量让你正面发展。

我的另一半改变了我看待事情的态度。我一直是很负面的人，把所有事情都往最坏那方面去想。所以总是把自己搞得很压力，精神紧张。而他每次看似吊儿郎当，可是往往在最紧要的关头冷静地分析事情和安抚我的情绪。他确实帮我成长了不少。他也成长了很多。比以前有耐性，大概是被我这位大小姐训练出来的。他老是抱怨我的脾气很差，翻脸比翻书还快。是啦，可是有时候你也很白目，讲一些气死我的话来气我meh～ 我翻白眼翻到要进医院了好不好！

谢谢你

总是在最难过的时候对我不离不弃。

总是知道要怎样安抚我。

总是耐着性子跟我说话虽然自己也已经气得快要爆炸了。

总是最快气消再讨我欢心。

虽然我每次说你小气，可是我知道你对我永远最大方、最包容。

August

Time passed really fast. Who knew we just celebrated CNY and suddenly it's Hungry Ghost Month already. Last year this moment, I was with John back to his grandma's to pray. I still remember what 'Ah Gong' told us. Recently, we are facing the lowest point of our relationships and I still think we are facing it. The mother issue is getting serious and it tends to annoys everyone from his side already. It is annoying to be honest. Just hope everything will be better soon.