I got a new iMac babeh~ Thanks mom!

So, I've been hanging out with the man a lot lately cause he's not really going to stay for long. As usual, we  never take pictures when we get together. Only when we really been apart, we will be so regret and ask ourself the stupid question about why we never took pictures. I know. But you know when we are together, I'm so lazy to take out the camera and I personally thinks that it's really [potong steam]. Or maybe we both had already pass the age where we won't be so camera addicted people. Who knows?

We are planning for a trip already. It has to be success! I need to spend some quality time with the man because although we hang out often but we didn't really focus on each other so much. Seriously. 

School starts a week ago. Those subject that had been assigned is ok. Everything is fine and yea I've passed all the subject. just checked the re-sit and re-take name list. I'm so happy that I'm not in there. haha. 

Got to go for dinner now. I wonder what Johnny has been eating for these few days. 

Your letter

Today I woke up really early in the morning to fetch Jeff to the airport. Then we went to do the car service and I fell asleep at the service center. Embarrass! Printed out my HOC research book and I got a freaking summon. Then I rush to the college and pass it up. Met hubby at the hospital cause he went to donate his blood with his brother and mom. Then we went to Sunway Pyramid for late lunch and the work out stuff. I bet he is busying with the stuff now. Setting up and training. Sigh. Even though I just meet him, but I still can't get enough. Never enough. We talk lesser and lesser once he got back. He got no time for me. Just a few hours of meeting up and we didn't talk really much like before. It does makes me feel upset. So, I technically failed my HOC fucking subject and I've given a fucking chance to do it again. I already felt bad enough and then there are still so many things are waiting for me to complete. I'm like single person while I have a bf. Sometimes I wonder why do I even get myself a bf when I got no time to enjoy and spend quality time with him. I felt depress and not happy. So much going on suddenly and I don't know what to do. The whole week of holiday and it's fully occupied. With all these jobs and then a failing exam. I want to spend time with my man! Why so hard? I hope after this week and next week, we will have the time to spend together. I'm gonna break down if it doesn't happen. I'm not happy!

There are a lot of things that's not the same with what you expect. Like I've expect it will be a very nice holiday. But it is not. I've been enduring and trying to understanding. I don't feel happy with it. Is this the life when he finally gets back? It's totally not the same when he's not here. I've been very selfish and wanting him to be all mine all the time. The fact is, he's not belong to only me. Cause he loves his family and friends. He couldn't live without them, but I'm okay to be with or without. This is what I've figure out within these 2 days. Fast huh? I know. Everything is in my mind working and working when I was driving and waiting. Hate the fact but I couldn't deny it, because there's no way I could hide from. Been stupid once and I'm not going to do it twice. Or maybe I should change my attitude towards stuff. Don't take it too seriously? But I am serious towards stuff. It is really bothering.

John, a letter for you.

He

... got back today from Taiwan. I missed him so much and waited for him about an hour. Everything was so great. The moment I saw him, it was so wonderful. I hugged him so tight and I wish the time could just freeze like that. Let me feel his warmth. Then we got home, he was the driver. A dangerous driver. Yup! The way he drove, I'm not feeling it. No good. Then the way to his house was very challenging. I wish I'm still remember what's the way. I was well known as the human GPS. But this time, I am afraid to admit it. haha. Had a good time in the house. Met his brother Ben Ben and I was relieve that the parents is not in the house cause I felt a little bit pressure about it. Left before the parents came back. Well, he was very busy. I've sent about 4 messages and he never had the time to reply one. I thought just an [ok] will do, but I don't get anything. Sigh. I felt left out once he gets back. ='( Silly me. I hope I will be very busy so I won't need to think about it all the time. I just knew when he gets back, he belongs to everyone. I understand and I... had to understand. Good night. I bet he won't notice this post as well. XP

It does effect my feeling. I thought it was supposed to be a great night that both of us couldn't forget. It does actually, but not in a good way. It left scar on it instead of love mark. I am afraid of doing it again cause I am afraid of the consequences. There's so much things I said but seems like you don't understand. I really do wish you can stand in my shoes and think for me. It's not a joke anyway and it is a big deal. Very big deal. Do you know how much effort and courage I've put in? A lot! This is not something I can say 'It's ok, it's not a big deal.' No. It's not. It meant a lot to me. Really a lot. I feel very bad now and I just want to erase the memory. I feel worst from time to time. I know you won't feel good too when you saw this, this is torturing me and you. Seriously, I never thought it would be so serious and I don't know I will make it such a big deal. I am regret. 

Exam Week

I'm going to have my final week which is my exam week. It's so rush and busy. Well, I still have to pass up assignment on my exam week. So not fun! I got no time to study cause I still have to do the assignment. Man!!! This is driving me crazy. Anyways, he is coming back soon. I miss him a lot. Every time, during the exam period, I will definitely go to Starbucks. This will reminds me of him. Is like so weird. 

The boy was the one that looked for me. I still remember the first day he private message me at my Facebook inbox. That time was the most miserable moment cause I just broke up. I chat with him for a little while then I ignored him. During that time, I was chatting with another friend and never want to look at this pity boy. Seriously. Then, it was the exam period. I went to Starbucks to study all the time. I uploaded those pictures at my Facebook wall and he always came by and comment. He was very funny and said a lot of things but that time, I was focusing on my final cause it's my final semester and I don't want to delay my graduation again. So, poor guy being ignored once again. Seriously, writing till here, I really think I'm a very mean person. So, I still remember the date. At 22 December 2010 around 10 something at night, I finally reply his MSN which he had nudge and leave messages for me. That time was the time when grandma come over to Puchong. Then we started with msn chat and my laptop was dead on that time. I was using my iPhone to chat with him, then we used skype on my phone to text each other. Later on, he said why not we talk? Chatting was slow as I am typing with my phone. And so, we talked thru the phone. I was nervous that time, and a little bit curious about  his voice cause we never chat. His voice is so special and kinda catch my attention. That time, he was still having class the next day, but he insist of talking until 4 in the morning. Till then, we start meeting each other online at 9pm. Every night. We didn't text each other at first, until I start texting him by phone. That time was like the weirdest moment ever. Seriously. I felt like a little bit more feelings towards him and I was very naughty cause all the mess was started by me. He was acting and being cool and I am the evil one. I started to confuse him like playing games, then he was confuse and he wanted to get into the game as well. Then I realize I've gone too far cause fooling others feeling is not right. I think maybe I'm shock because I knew that I am play with fire and I've burned myself. I felt in love with this guy already. I wanted to stop everything as I thought things wouldn't work out cause he's not here and I'm not sure if he is interested. Then he surprise me with a story and then things went better and better. I am so lucky that someone like him would fell for me. Seriously. I am a very lucky girl who owns so much from family, friends and from him. Then, few days ago, we were chatting about those primary school stuff and I realize that we were having the same memory/moment in our school but during that time we are still strangers. How weird and wonderful is this? 

Baby, I miss you so much. Really much.